29 October 2005
28 October 2005
Scary
A corpse hanging from a tree on the side of the road in Frederica, Delaware swung for hours because drivers assumed it was a gag. Turns out it was a 42-year-old woman who had committed suicide.
25 October 2005
OTV
Iubita monstrului din Militari - fata in fata cu parintii fetei violate, transate si gatite. URMEAZA CRIMA DIN PRIMAVERII
Joke
A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But, this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I fuck her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my son and daughter come out and begin to do the same, but she's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son fucks her in the ass."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her blow him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part, our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats"
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But, this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I fuck her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my son and daughter come out and begin to do the same, but she's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son fucks her in the ass."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her blow him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part, our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats"
24 October 2005
Scary
A 93-year-old driver in St. Petersburg, Florida hit and killed a pedestrian last week. Then, he drove three miles with the body hanging out of his windshield. After he was stopped by police, the driver apparently said that the body fell from the sky.
21 October 2005
Job
Playboy TV is looking for a person experienced in viewing programmes for television broadcast for compliance with Ofcom regulations, ideally with an understanding of the rules applied to late-night erotica.
Applicants will need to be comfortable watching material aimed at an adult audience.
Applicants will need to be comfortable watching material aimed at an adult audience.
Walid Elias Kai, a Ph.D. in search engine marketing, is, it must be said, an avid fan of our company. Dr. Kai, who is Lebanese, and his Swedish wife Carol live in Kalmar, Sweden, where their son was born on September 12. His name? Oliver Google Kai.
20 October 2005
Job
Playboy TV is looking for a person experienced in viewing programmes for television broadcast for compliance with Ofcom regulations, ideally with an understanding of the rules applied to late-night erotica.
Applicants will need to be comfortable watching material aimed at an adult audience.
Applicants will need to be comfortable watching material aimed at an adult audience.
18 October 2005
Scary
Owner Bill Whittington told a North Carolina TV station that he noticed the cat's second tongue in December. He said he yelled when he saw the tongues flicker...
Holy
David Copperfield says he plans to impregnate a girl on stage - without even touching her. He added: "Naturally it will be without sex. Everyone will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more"
17 October 2005
15 October 2005
Love
A fat, balding bespectacled Japanese accountant stole 1.9 billion Yen from his employer to give as gifts to his seventeen mistresses
14 October 2005
Trivia
Hebrew is comprised primarily of consonants; vowels must be supplied by the reader. The appropriate vowels depend on the context. Thus, the text may be translated as "and the Prince of the Congregation, the Branch of David, will kill him," or alternately read as "and they killed the Prince."
13 October 2005
Mandatory
Customers can go to many places for wings and beer, but it is our Hooter Girls who make our concept unique. Hooters offer its customers the look of the “All American Cheerleader, Surfer, Girl Next Door.” The essence of Hooters Concept is entertainment through female sex appeal, of which the LOOK is a key part. When you are in the Hooters Girl Uniform you are litereally playing a role; having been cast for that role you must comply with the Image and Grooming Standards the the role requires.
12 October 2005
EULA
By accepting these fish, and as part of the consideration therefor, the recipient agrees: (1) not to, breed or propagate these fish, permit or encourage others to breed or propagate these fish, or otherwise intentionally engage in any activity that may result in or lead to the breeding or propagation of these fish by anyone without the express written consent of Yorktown.
11 October 2005
History
On 01+07+2004 10+12, a friend wrote:
m-am cacat pe mine de ras aseara, da' am uitat sa iti zic.
da' fii atent ca nu tre sa stie nimeni.
cica s-a format coalitia maxie, dune si alcineva pentru excluderea lu leia din wolfden. si cica au dat pm-uri la lume, ca sa fie cu ei si sa-i sustina, ca asa nu se mai poate, ca tre sa facem ceva ca pula mea.
eu acuma-s curios. daca strang astia adeziuni si pun o lista de semnaturi s-o dam pe leia afara ce ne facem?
si cui o sa dea lista asta maxie? mie? tie? lu shere? ma pis pe mine de ras..
iti vine sa crezi oamenii astia?
m-am cacat pe mine de ras aseara, da' am uitat sa iti zic.
da' fii atent ca nu tre sa stie nimeni.
cica s-a format coalitia maxie, dune si alcineva pentru excluderea lu leia din wolfden. si cica au dat pm-uri la lume, ca sa fie cu ei si sa-i sustina, ca asa nu se mai poate, ca tre sa facem ceva ca pula mea.
eu acuma-s curios. daca strang astia adeziuni si pun o lista de semnaturi s-o dam pe leia afara ce ne facem?
si cui o sa dea lista asta maxie? mie? tie? lu shere? ma pis pe mine de ras..
iti vine sa crezi oamenii astia?
Technology
An army sergeant walked into a Tucson bank and handed the teller a note that said he had a bomb in his mouth. Things went badly for the would-be robber and he ended up on his knees handcuffed to a pole with a robot probing his mouth for a bomb. There was no bomb.
10 October 2005
07 October 2005
Sad
A freak accident saw an angler's lead weight fly through his eye socket and become embedded inside his cheek.He had emergency surgery, and he's OK. He didn't catch any fish that day either.
06 October 2005
Hmmm
The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000
Synopsis
After developing an addiction to the substance he uses to kill bugs, an exterminator accidentally murders his wife and becomes involved in a secret government plot being orchestrated by giant bugs in an Islamic port town in Africa
05 October 2005
Horoscope accuracy scariness
So far, at least, a certain person is withholding their support and co-operation. Things can't carry on like this. And they won't. Either there will be agreement or understanding or there will be big change. Today brings a chance to fix a communication problem.
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